By: Hettie Basil Lighttower
Are you familiar with the term or title “doula”? I was not familiar with it until recently. A friend of mine told me she just got certified to be a death doula. Immediately the “grim reaper” formulated in my mind’s eye. Goodness, why would anyone want to have a title with the name “death” in it? I was a little thrown off my axis when the words entered my ear. I tried to be polite and hide the shock on my face.
So, of course, I asked….. “What is THAT? I never heard of that before. What exactly do you do?” She said, “I help people with their dying process”. It was as blatant as I thought. She then explained there are death doulas and birth doulas. Interesting, I thought. All this time nurses and hospice workers are actually doulas for birth or for death.
Then I realized I too have been a “death doula” according to her explanation. When I was a social worker for hospice I helped people with their dying process! It was one of my favorite jobs. I started reminiscing about the final gifts I experienced, the love and encouragement received and given. I learned most hospice patients are not in fear of death, but in fear of leaving their family and loved ones. They become tired of suffering or of not living.
I loved being there to assist the family and also the dying person with whatever it was they needed in their journey and process. It was mostly just a supportive role through emotions and grieving. But sometimes I would help to connect them with outside resources any of them might need. Being kind and compassionate comes easily to me. My Christianity is based on this way of living. I felt like I was being paid to be a Christian aka Christ-like. It was a very humbling job full more joy than you might think. It had been 20 some years since I had worked that job. Suddenly I was flooded with beautiful memories of the people and of the families. It was an honor to love them through the process.
Now days, evidently you do not need a 4-year social work degree to work with people in the dying process. I suppose it was like that in centuries past before social work was even a thing. If a person in the family was in the dying process a priest would come and most likely had the title in that role of “death doula”. Or if someone was having a baby, I was familiar with the term “mid-wife”. But I guess, a mid-wife is a doula.
I became fascinated with this fancy term. This is what I learned: In general, a doula is a trained professional without a medical degree who guides and supports another person through a significant health related process. It can be the process of death, miscarriage, birth, stillbirth and other non-reproductive traumas. The cost of using a doula can be any where from $200-$5000 depending on your location, circumstances and the services provided.
The term “end of life” doula is also used. I like the sounds of it better. You can become a doula online for around $200. The course can be completed within four weeks! Most people do it in six weeks and some have taken up to 12 weeks. It is a go at your pace sort of thing.
If this appeals to you in your retirement or daily life, it may be very rewarding for you on a spiritual and emotional level. It definitely takes a person full of compassion and nurturing qualities. Some of the areas of study would be: Elder care, conducting funerals, pet doula death services, vigil planning, life review guidance, facilitating legacy, how doulas are different from end of life professionals, the needs of the dying, education family on death processes, and how to facilitate conversations about death between family members and the dying person.
It is convenient to have this knowledge of knowing someone is out there, actually doing this job and filling in all the hard parts of losing a family member. I can think of a few times when it would have come in handy in my own life in the lives of grieving friends before I knew such a person existed. If any of you in the WV OH or PA tri-state area need this service in your own life and would like a recommendation of the special person I personally know doing this job, email me below and I would be glad to help direct you in connecting with her.
Send in your notions and comments to [email protected]. I will include them in the next available column as per their arrival relative to the publication deadline of Tuesday by 12 p.m. of the same week. If you wish to be anonymous let me know. Kindness is contagious~*