By: Hettie Basil Lighttower
I’ve heard the term “empath”, have you? I looked into its meaning and here’s what I have found: It is a word for someone who possesses empathy. It is someone who has the ability to sense emotions of others and actually feel those emotions. An empath has the ability to feel those emotions of another person as if they themselves are experiencing the emotions and the thing causing the emotions for another person.
We all have heard “until you have walked a mile in their shoes, or in my shoes, you wouldn’t understand, or you won’t know what it is like.” Or we might have heard. “Put yourself in their shoes.” Any of these adages create the thought of being empathetic. And what exactly is empathy or being empathic?
Empathy is not sympathy. They may be easily confused and most of the time they are. When something bad happens to someone, we can have sympathy. Sympathy is more of a feeling of pity or concern for another person’s demise or loss. It is the ability to recognize another person is going through a bad time. You say, “Wow, that is terrible!” and then go about your day as if it is not your problem.
On the contrary, being empathetic, you would say, “Wow, that is terrible!” and then the rest of your day is full of sadness and internal stress. You may even have thoughts of, “how can I help this person?” You might even say that to them by a visit or a phone call. You may participate in delivering a meal to them or sitting with them or crying with them or praying with them or for them. Some action usually takes place to make some aspect of that person’s situation a little better or brighter or even improved.
Empathy can place you in direct line of emotional fire because you have had a similar circumstance or experience in the past. When you learn about a person’s situation and you have empathy because of a past experience it can be a deep emotional response consisting of a combination of your emotions about it in the past as well as the swirl of the current situation for this said person. You can actually feel their hurt.
Not everyone is capable of empathy. There are those who have had too much trauma in their lives or a lack of nurturing that can cause a void where empathy should be. It is not for us to judge these deficient persons. We have choices as to how to deal with unempathic persons, but that can be a column for another day. I am sure examples of people whom you have encountered have already come to your mind.
Focusing on a recent flooding event in West Virginia in the northern panhandle many of us local folks have had much sympathy and empathy. And a person can certainly have both emotions and capabilities. We have all experienced the loss of someone, and some of us have lost someone in tragedy. In this case of recent flooding nine persons lost their lives. A few were missing for days. Many of us have hopped into action to help search, clean up, repair, provide and to pray.
Those of us who are empaths have cried over the losses and devastation. Not because it happened to us, but we can feel the pain and sorrow in the air. I am an empath. I didn’t know what was wrong with me for a lot of years. I didn’t know why I was so sensitive and got my feelings hurt easily. I didn’t know why I cried when others were sad or had a baby or had a trauma. But over the years as new information has come into view and is readily available on the internet. I now understand myself and others better.
Crying is not a weakness, but a strength. It is being strong enough to feel. Strong enough to feel your pain but also the pain of others. I never liked being in large crowds or around loud noise. I am highly sensitive to disruption and conflict. I am very social but I also require my “recharge time”. My quiet time. Most empaths and sensitives I have learned need to do this. I am not the only one.
If any of this resonates with you and you know these things about yourself, allow yourself the time to feel, but also heal. Be kind to yourself. Treat yourself. Honor yourself in the ways you need to be honored so you may stay healthy and well. Getting overloaded in the world of empathy can deplete our immune system due to high levels of continued cortisol.
In today’s world there is unending opportunity to absorb; that will consume our empathy. There is always a country to worry about, or a neighbor going through a hard time. Take time for self care and to unplug those beautiful qualities that are so special and powerful. Don’t shun them but navigate the space and time they take up for your highest good. Thanks for listening and thanks for being here.
As always, feel free to send in your notions and comments to [email protected]. I will include them in the next available column as per their arrival relative to the publication deadline of Tuesday by 12 p.m. of the same week. If you wish to be anonymous let me know. Kindness is contagious~*